You know you've spent too long in the lab when . . . LOL!!

You wonder what absolute alcohol tastes like with orange juice.

You can tell what cheap and expensive white coats look like.

You can't watch CSI without cursing at least one scientific inaccuracy.

You use acronyms for everything and never stop to elaborate.

Liquid nitrogen is only about a 1/3 as dangerous as you thought.

You always seem to use the microscope after the person with the impossibly close together eyes.

Accident reports are a badge of honor.

You've wondered why you can't drink distilled water in the lab - it should be clean . . ?

You give the lab equipment motivational pep talks, such as "Work for me today or I'll reprogram you with a fire axe!"

You've worked out that a trained chimp could probably do 90% of your job.

When a non-scientist asks you what you do for a living you roll your eyes and talk science at them until they've loss the will to live. Just for the fun of it.

You have to check the web to find out what the weather is outside.

You realize that almost anything can be classed as background reading.

People wearing shorts under a lab coat disturb you slightly as they look as though they might be naked underneath.

Although all cooking is a glorified chemistry experiment you just still can't seem to get it right.

Safety equipment is optional unless it makes you look cool.

Warning labels invoke curiosity rather than caution.

The Christmas nightout reveals scientists can't dance, although a formula for the movement of hands and feet combined with beats per min is found scrawled on a napkin by a waiter the next day.

You know which part of the lab you can chill out undisturbed on friday afternoon.

You decide the courses and conference you want to go on by the quality of the food served.

You are strangely proud of the collection of junk you've stolen from vendors at trade shows.

You've used dry ice to cool beer down.

No matter what the timings in the experiment protocol there is always time for lunch in the middle.

You can no longer spell normal words but have no trouble with spelling things like immunohistochemistry or deoxyribonucleic acid.

Burning eyes, nose and throat indicate that you haven't actually turned on the fumehood/downdraft bench.

You're slightly too fond of the smell of Xylene/Agar/Ethanol/Undergraduates/Alcoholic handwash.

You've left the lab wearing a piece of PPE (personal protective equipment) because you forgot you had it on.

You have made some kind of puppet out of a nitrile glove and kept it as a pet.

Blinking real fast has saved your eyesight on more than one occasion.

When you rejoice when grabbing a handfull of eppendorfs/bijous and it turns outs to be the exact number you needed.

You can`t wait for lab clean-up 'coz you get to do random pointless "experiments" to figure out whats in all the dodgy unlabeled bottels.

You hate having to change your lab coat to a new one because 'it just won't fit right' and because the wrist bits are way too tight.

You know you have worked in a lab too long when you actually threaten your cells whilst waving a bottle of Virkon